Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
