a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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