69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
high people should be assigned attendants
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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