Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
