Nicole vs. Life
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
