I smell stomach acid.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
