i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
tell me about the eggs
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