I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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