you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
