didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
