In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this hospital has no fireball
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
