i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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