Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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