He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
