I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
