I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
