I smell stomach acid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
