I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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