I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
