This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
