so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
