he wants to bone in the snuggie
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
