Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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