You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
