check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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