she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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