I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
