So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was like eating out sand paper
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
