if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
