So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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