hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
