Sry I called you an 8
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
