i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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