And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
