I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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