Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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