my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we're so committed to being not committed
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
