I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
