i think my tv is drunk
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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