I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
