If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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