Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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