we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
