everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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