Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
