Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
someone threw a dead crab at me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
