she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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