I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
