Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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