smell my finger.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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