does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
ttyl tear gas
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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