if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ttyl tear gas
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
